“Why they did it on a highway with such a high risk we don’t know.”

April 14, 2009

My coffee and my desk. Sideways.

My coffee and my desk. Sideways.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve lost all patience and interest in the American mainstream news media, opting for NPR and the occasional BBC headline ticker. As if just to spite me this morning, first NPR reports that pirates may “very possibly” team up with Al Qaeda to threaten national security, and now the BBC posts a headline entitled “Girl Chooses Japan Over Parents.”

If I wanted to listen to CNN, I’d shoot up 16 oz. of valium, saw off my frontal lobe, and listen to CNN.

In fairness, the BBC news article did report on the actual story of a Japanese-born Filipino whose parents bent immigration laws. The girl, and most importantly the parents, decided she would be better off in the custody of her aunt in Japan. Given the headline, however, I had expected some story about an American teenage super heroine that jetted across the globe at supersonic speed to save Japan from a meteor attack only to return seconds too late to stop the propane explosion in her parents’ basement.

By the way, while I don’t condone pirate attacks, I’m pretty sure Fisher Price toys have killed, or at least injured more Americans this year than pirates have. Hell, registered Democrats and Republicans have killed more Americans than pirates have, and we haven’t sent the Navy after them. How much mileage do we really have to squeeze out of this story? While I understand that Al Qaeda is a legitimate threat, we should really just be thankful they haven’t formed an alliance with ninjas.

Perhaps my standards for the BBC are too high. I nearly forgot that a guy in Norway who got pulled over for having sex with his girlfriend while exceeding the speed limit on the motorway also made the global BBC news ticker. No, really. He did.

“[The vehicle] was veering from one side to the other because the woman was sitting on the man’s lap while he was driving and doing the act, shall we say,” he added. “He couldn’t see much because her back was in the way.”
Tor Stein Hagen, a superintendent with Soendre Buskerud Police District

 

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