I know, I know. I’m supposed to be cleaning up my act.

June 1, 2009

If you know me, you probably know that I’m not a fan of television. I don’t mean to imply that I avoid it altogether, since 30 Rock, Mythbusters, and Jon Stewart certainly float my boat. The #1 reason I avoid television is really so I can make pretentious comments like “Oh, I wouldn’t know. I don’t watch television” (see also: why I became a vegetarian for a year or so). The number two reason, however, is because commercials are sickeningly blatant insults to human intelligence. The sheer absurdity of some commercials truly blows my mind. I will attempt to recap a commercial I happened to view today during a band meeting:

At a speed in excess of 100 mph, A NASCAR driver is interrupted by a talking oven mitt, who is inexplicably seated in the passenger area of his vehicle. As opposed to the classic autonomous hamburger helper oven mitt, this one has an obvious pale, white hand inserted into it, and speaks with a disturbingly shrill accent. The driver, concerned primarily with the race, scolds the oven mitt for being a distraction. The oven mitt responds by presenting the driver with a scalding hot skillet of hamburger helper, offered by three disembodied hands which reach into the moving vehicle to spoon-feed him. The two parties appear to come to some sort of agreement/compromise and the race continues.

Maybe I’m just over-thinking this. It’s not like these commercials ever made sense anyways. Of course, a kitchen setting would probably be more appropriate. The disembodied hands really freaked me out though. I’ve got no transition to this next clip, by the way. So…

Hamburger Helper: your dinnertime friend…with benefits.

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