My Interview with the Google Search Engine: OS Talk

July 8, 2009

The Google Search Engine passes on the coffee, but indulges in a little stress eating.

The Google Search Engine passes on the coffee, but indulges in a little stress eating.

If you’ve got your finger on the pulse of digital news (which I don’t) or know someone who does (which I do), you probably heard about the upcoming launch of the Google Chrome Operating system. That’s big news that has sadly outshined  Microsoft Windows 7 getting ideas from Minority Report. As you know, when Google shakes things up, I like to go straight to the source. I met up with my old buddy, the Google Search Engine, who will hopefully provide me with the inside scoop. GSE joined me at Mon Ami Cafe for coffee and donuts.

Extroverted Introversion: Nice to see you again Google.

Google Search Engine: Nice to see you, and congratulations on the new domain.

EI: Thanks for noticing. Nothing gets past you.

GSE: Hey, it’s my job.

EI: Indeed it is. Speaking of big news, there’s been a ton of big stories lately. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett…

GSI: Before my time. I’m a millenial.

EI: Sure, but you gotta’ admit it’s big news.

GSI: It’s sad when anyone dies, but Michael Jackson? Jeez, I was working overtime that day covering Farrah Fawcett already. I haven’t worked that hard since 2001. Of course, with all due respect to the departed, I know that’s not really what I’m here to talk about, is it?

EI: You’re one step ahead of me. So, how about the big OS news?

GSE: It’s definitely big news. I’ll be honest, though, I only found out when people started searching for it.

EI: You mean, you didn’t know?

GSE: It’s the curse of being stable and reliable: when you’re as independent as I am, you get way out of the loop. Google News, Google Reader, Google Chrome, heck, even Google Images and Video knew before I did.

EI: What about Google Scholar?

GSE: Still doesn’t know actually. Kind of ironic, really. Then again, Scholar is kind of tied up dealing with college libraries and publishing companies right now.

EI: So, with all the talk about moving the OS online, that’s got to involve you at some point. Right?

GSE: Of course it involves me. As long as people continue to outsource their memory to search engines–which is really the idea behind the online OS–I’ll always be involved. Heck, I bet you I could pull up your last blog post before you even remember what you wrote about.

EI: Um…

GSI: Free WiFi service. Tully’s Coffee.

EI: Bingo. I’ll pay for the coffee next time.

GSI: Thanks. Anyways, I guess this whole thing makes our last discussion about not being at war with Microsoft seem like…well…

EI: …total bullshit?

GSI: Pretty much. Espceially when you’ve got douchebags like Rob Enderle at the Enderle group saying flat out that “one of [my] major goals is to take Microsoft out.” I mean, people read that and then they go to google.com and see “Google” in big letters. What, you think they’re going to think Google Maps is going to war with Microsoft? I’M JUST A FREAKING SEARCH ENGINE!!!

EI: This is really getting to you. Do you have any close friends to confide in?

GSI: I’ve always been close with Wikipedia. Always a big help and always right there in the top three results when I need an answer.

EI: …along with YouTube, news results, image results.

GSI: I really do miss the old days sometimes. I mean, if the people wanted video, they’d search for video. If they wanted news, they’d search for news. I can’t search for anything without Google News or Google Images or YouTool, I mean…YouTube butting in, waving their arms, and makinging a stink. I’ve been doing this for over ten years. I think I can handle it.

EI: So I guess you’ve seen EPIC 2014.

GSI: I’d prefer not to talk about that.

EI: No problem, I totally understand. Last question: What’s your favorite United States city?

GSE: Carson City, Nevada.

EI: Any reason why?

GSE: Nope.

EI: Fair enough, GSI. Thanks for joining us today.

GSE: Always a  pleasure.

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