Save me, SkyMall catalog!

April 29, 2010

Enjoy this absolutely brilliant compilation of infomercial clips which demonstrate how human beings have neither the common sense nor coordination to handle most day to day tasks. I never realized how difficult tasks such as painting, cutting, dressing oneself, walking, and eating could be. It’s a miracle we’ve survived this long as a species. Anyways, things I learned from this montage:

  • Children cannot feed themselves. Adults don’t fare much better.
  • Cutting tomatoes is difficult. Cutting wood is tricky. Cutting onions is heart wrenching.
  • Do not show cleavage in a restaurant or your date will condescendingly chide you.
  • Saran wrap can pretty much ruin your life.
  • Successfully preparing and eating a hamburger pretty much takes an act of God.
  • Dogs are helpless, smell horrible, and cause you to shoot yourself in the face with a hose.
  • Paint is about as uncontrollable as the weather.
  • Maintaining your home is difficult, yet destroying it is remarkably easy.
  • Three things not worth the trouble: shoes, irons, and hair.
  • Whose stupid idea was it to eat eggs in the first place?
  • Baking seems to strongly correlate with depression.
  • Gravity is a harsh mistress.
  • Tupperware procreates in enclosed spaces.
  • Soda: the best way to absolutely terrify your family.
  • If you can’t find your money in your pockets, purse, or wallet, it’s probably escaped under the door.
  • There may be a product you can buy to make your cat stop hating you.

Oh, and was anyone else wondering about the guy getting ready to expose himself at the dinner table?

Any idiot can face a crisis, it’s day to day living the wears you out.
-Anton Chekov

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