Have your PDX, and drink it too.

March 31, 2011

Stumptown Coffee Roasters (Ace Hotel) on Urbanspoon
It’s strange to hang out in a place where I’m not the only person taking pictures of coffee.

Interior of Stumptown Coffee Roasters

I wasn't cool enough for the couch in the corner.

Okay, so lets say you’ve just landed in Portland. You’ve watched that show about Portland (which I will not dignify by identifying it by name or linking to it), and you really want to get the Portland experience. Make your way downtown, hit up that goofy donut place (as I said before…), and hit up Stumptown Coffee Roasters. Seriously, your cafe experience can’t get more saturated with PDX-chic unless you hire the Decemberists to pee in your espresso.

Stumptown Coffee Roasters is less a cafe and more an art gallery in which itself is the central piece. It’s a cavernous space, reminiscent of Thatcher’s Coffee, but with 1/4th the seating. The hip, indie music crashes off the walls which are neatly adorned with art pieces hanging in a row with couches toward the rear. As it got darker, I also noticed the reddish tint the lights seemed to have. They’re open until 9pm, after which I assume that’s when the rave starts.

Stools shaped like your butt.

Stools designed for the delicate contours that are your rear end.

The artistry of downtown Stumptown Roasters doesn’t just confine itself to the inside. Anyone taking a seat on the ass-contoured stools can enjoy a glorious breakdown of PDX stereotypes in under 20 minutes. I guess if you’re in this part of town, you’re either a teenage neo-hipster shopping for donuts that match your pants, a “poor” college student (with a Mac Book Pro, iPhone, and $300 camera), a gainfully employed designer-dressed thirty-something, a nondescript forty-something, a suspiciously non-existent fifty-something, or over sixty with your entire life in a backpack. Apparently by seventy you’ve either moved to Lake Oswego or died. It’s as if the middle class (and middle age) somehow don’t exist here.

Now, pretension aside, while I’m not a huge fan of Stumptown Coffee, I appreciate and support the regional flavor they’ve propagated for the Portland area. Feeling adventurous, I had myself a chemex-brewed coffee and let me tell you, this is no coffee bean kool-aid. It’s like coffee wine, that most unfortunately doesn’t get you drunk. It’s a damned satisfying cup of coffee, that also tastes really shitty cold, so get off your iPad and pick up that mug.

A couple enterprising young folks have just unpacked a cardboard sign reading “spare some change for weed and beer.” I really just…forget it. No comment. I’m done.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: